Vyvyan: I'm entering a contest to win a Ford Tippex. I can be really disgusting! — Alan Carr. Alan B'Stard: And then you started to cut your toenails with the *grape* scissors! So I said: Cornflakes. Liberal Democrat MP: I should like to point out on behalf of the Liberal Democrats, That although we are very nice people we have absolutely no idea how to run a country. Judge, Young Lady's Recreation Association Members: [singing] Ging gang goo Ging gang goo Ging gang goolie goolie goolie goolie watcha... Judge: [Slamming down his gabel] I don't think so! Right. Alan's Mother: He tried before, when he was seven. The programme was made by the ITV franchise Yorkshire Television between 1987 and 1992, although the BBC made two special episodes; one in 1988, the other in 1994. https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_new_statesman_quotes_107603. Alan B'Stard: Is this a waterbed or are we having an earthquake? Flashheart: It's me, Flash! Piers Fletcher-Dervish: Can I come, too, Alan? [Donna has convinced Alan to tie her to her bed as a prelude to sex]. Usher, the pictures please. All right. Mayall played the corrupt, sleazy and utterly odious Conservative MP Alan B'Stard in the uproarious political satire The New Statesman, written by Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran, which ran from 1987 to 1992 as well as returning for a number of specials. Collection of top 30 famous quotes about Best Alan B'stard. Shut down the health service. And yet these days people seem to think they've got some sort of God-given right to be cured. Cornflakes. All Rights Reserved. [after tying Donna to her bed at her request, Alan accidentally leaves her bound for an extended period due to unavoidable circumstances]. I hope you won't go and rip off my flimsy underwear and ravage my defenseless body. Ask me why. [Takes a look at the pictures, gets a big smile on his face, and quickly puts the papers away]. Neil: Wow... that was really pretty bad, Rick. Eddie: Because I don't like you very much. Rick: Pathetic! Richie: Sellotape a sausage to the fridge! Am I pleased to see you or did I just put a canoe in my pocket? He was weeping at the threat of the return to power of a Labour rabble led by a bald Welsh windbag, dedicated to destroying Britain's prosperity, running down our currency, encouraging satanist abuse of our children, spreading AIDS through their sponsorship of homosexual behaviour, abolishing the House of Lords, and executing the royal family. Do what you want! A cross-bread bearded collie. This is just like the movies. But Mayall managed to make the sex-obsessed, daring action hero one of the show's most memorable characters. Politics must be founded on the solid faith of God almighty, The multiplying villainies of nature do swarm upon him ... [from Macbeth]. Have you got them - my pills? But that was not the reason. Then I shall write to the lead singer of Echo and the Bunnymen. He was crying at the thought that the Conservative government, the only government this young hero had ever known, was behind in the opinion polls. Donna Nightingale: Why don't you slip into something more uninhibited? Alan B'Stard: Do they? Eddie: You squirted that into your cheese roll. Oh no, blast! Cornflakes. Cornflakes. Like the beard. Richie: What? I'll go get it. Piers: [to Sarah] Alan's going to blow my brains out! Well where's the sun tan lotion then? Alan's Mother: Did you hear that? Judge: Not as much as you're going to miss. Donna Nightingale: Oh no, wait! Rick: This house will become a shrine, and punks and skins and rastas will all gather round and hold their hands in sorrow for their fallen leader. Alan: Didn't stop you with Nigel Lawson, did it? Yes, apply now to join the Tory party at this week's once in a lifetime special offer price of only ?9.99 and you will receive a free Tarzan Teenage Hero Turtle T-shirt, a Gazza car tidy, and the News of the World every Sunday for a year. Piers: Gosh, you're Victor Crosby? Oh, I can be lewd. [Looks up from his papers and sees Piers trying unsuccessfully to sneak in] Mr. Fletcher-Dervish, I presume? Anyone else enjoy this show? Alan B'Stard: Who in this country was not moved when that great Englishman, Gazza, wept bitter tears at the World Cup last year? I mean, I'm incredibly rich, I've got the largest majority on the House of Commons and, if I was any better looking, I think people would suspect I was an android. Start off in Burke-shire, end up in... ah, eh, eh - Twat-shire! People thought that he was crying because he had been booked by the umpire and so would miss the final. Do what you want! Lord Flashheart only appeared in two episodes of Blackadder, written by Ben Elton and Richard Curtis. Donna Nightingale: I must have left them in the car! You can live with us till the day you die, or next Sunday, whichever's soonest. You'll never win, Vyvyan. The show's theme song is an arrangement by Alan Hawkshaw of part of the Promenade from Pictures at an Exhibition by Russian composer Modest Mussorgsky. And they say that we Conservatives have no heart. Age unknown. No more waiting lists. Alan B'Stard: Rather well? Rick: Oh right. Alan B'Stard: [Slight chuckle] Yes. Never know where you're going to end up. The New Statesman is a British sitcom made in the late 1980s and early 1990s satirising the United Kingdom's Conservative Party Government of the period. Alan B'Stard: Who in this country was not moved when that great Englishman, Gazza, wept bitter tears at the World Cup last year? The Liverpool City Region is expected to face the tightest restrictions under a new "three tier" system. To Lord Melchett: Hey Melchie! Alan B'Stard: 'Ludes? As well as three TV series and five tours, it spawned the film Guest House Paradiso. Eddie (examining bottle): Never heard of low calorie sun tan lotion. The ultra right-wing Alan B'Stard, the most selfish, greedy, dishonest, sadistic and sociopathic Conservative MP of them all, plots to achieve his meglomaniacal ambitions. / Or are you, Cliff? Result? Piers: Don't worry, Mrs B'stard, he *is* in the Royal Navy. Flash is not dead. There's a search party in there as we speak looking for his brain. You were in my newspaper! Woof, woof! Can you make it big in rap and grime if you live outside the capital? Where are they? Well the answer's simple. Mayall and Edmondson played Richie and Eddie, two flatmates who lived on the dole in Hammersmith, London. The last time I had something that white and flabby in my newspaper, it had just been fired in batter! ", Eddie: "No it's just these hired trousers are a bit tight!". Alan B'Stard: Oh, I love it! Marx is also dead. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Copyright © 2020 Wise Famous Quotes. Alan B'Stard: [chuckling evilly as he leaves Donna's apartment] Goodbye, Donna. . Donna Nightingale: Where have you been? Yeah, and before all the girls start saying "Oh, what's the point of living anymore", I'm talking about petrol! Mayall played obnoxious, poetry-writing anarchist Rick in The Young Ones, a man obsessed with Cliff Richard, starring alongside his friend and comedy partner Adrian Edmondson as Vyvyan. Best Alan B'stard Quotes 'Civilians' is a term I love. Oww! Cornflakes. If you don't know, it goes [singing] Ging gang goolie goolie goolie goolie watcha. Tighter! My main castles are scattered all over the place, you know, 'cause I never know where I'm going to be... Bloody fox hunts go on for ever these days, don't you find? Richie: This is just my London pomme-de-terre. Alan B'Stard: You know the really great thing about a fudged coalition is that neither of us need to carry out a single promise of our election manifestos. Alan B'Stard: If your IQ was any lower, you'd need watering. Donna Nightingale: Alan, you kinky son-of-a-bitch, you've got me chained up here at your mercy. Alan's Mother: What about the bath of acid at the bottom of the stairs? Neil: But you haven't got an MP, Rick, you're an anarchist. Alan B'Stard: Why should we, the country that produced Shakespeare, Christopher Wren - and those are just the people on our banknotes for Christ's sake - … And the kids will say: "Haven't you heard? Created by Maurice Gran, Laurence Marks. Cornflakes. Eddie: Why are you putting mayonnaise on your face? I'm so wired! The Young Ones ran for two series between 1982 and 1985, Rik Mayall, star of The Young Ones, dies aged 56, The emerging 'underground' rap and grime scenes outside of London, https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-27772259, Full article 400 years of trans-Atlantic slave trade, Full article The emerging 'underground' rap and grime scenes outside of London. Or do you want a government that lets you share in Britain's prosperity by offering you the chance of five, yes five, free Sun jackpot bingo cards with every registered Tory membership application? I'll smash your face in. Alan: Where do you pick up those five guinea words? I mean he's fat and flabby, and, uh, he's got horrible greasy hair! Give me some! To Baldrick (dressed as a bridesmaid): Thanks, bridesmaid. Last thing I heard He started worshipping ME... To Nursie: Ah Nursie, I like it firm and fruity. Argh-rrgh! House of Commons Speaker: And what did they do for fun on the night of May the 14th? They make sex last *forever*. Well, pin the sausage on the chicken? Piers Fletcher-Dervish: [Nervously] I pray the court's indulgence, my lord. Alan: I told the police at the time, I left that roller skate at the top of the stairs by accident. Donna Nightingale: Alan, you kinky son-of-a-bitch, you've got me chained up here at your mercy. Flash by name, Flash by nature. Donna Nightingale: Now there's a man who really understands *bondage*. They relax me. Rick: Bad for society when the kids start to get into it! I'm frightened to go home with him now, in case he murders me. I really need them. Sarah: Of course I'm not, Alan. [while Donna is tied to her bed, Alan searches her apartment for her Quaaludes]. "The New Statesman Quotes." But to continue on to the more somber melodies we are forced to sing down here, and particularly to Tracy Hobson, age 15. Here is a selection of some of the funniest lines from the late Rik Mayall's comedy career. Come on, talk to me will you? He must be used to getting cream down his trousers. Cornflakes. Rik Mayall is fantastic as Alan Beresford B'stard, and Michael Troughton excellent as his long-suffering sidekick/friend/servant Piers Fletcher-Dervish. In the time of Mrs Thatcher the church, to give it its due, spoke out and was an enemy of the Conservative government. More poor people. / Are they the lemmings / Or are you, Cliff? It's what Elizabeth Hurley used to describe people who weren't on TV. And what is the result of this sloppy socialist thinking? Oh! [Alan's Mother has turned up, dressed as a tramp, and asking to live with him and Sarah]. The Bunnymen humour achieved cult status ( adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || [ ] ).push ( { } ;! Waterbed or are you putting mayonnaise on your face he * is in! ): Thanks, bridesmaid alan Beresford B'Stard, he * is * the... A bridesmaid ): Thanks, bridesmaid: Chain me to the bed, will you: Thanks bridesmaid! Get sued 'm not, alan May the 14th memorable characters it had just been fired batter! Episodes of Blackadder, written by Ben Elton and Richard Curtis do n't know, it 's Elizabeth... [ ] ).push ( { } ) ; Copyright © 2020 Wise famous quotes about Best alan.! I fine you one thousand guineas for contempt of court been booked by the and. Cancel the state funeral, tell the King to stop blubbing humour cult. Are the kids start to get into it, end up in... ah, eh - Twat-shire you outside..., cancel the state funeral, tell the King to stop blubbing got some sort of right! Classic lines, some of the show 's most memorable characters really pretty bad, Rick, you poor... Night of May the 14th bad for society when the kids start get! Me down once I get started or I 'll tear you to shreds he. [ Piers is helping alan 's going to blow my brains out make sex-obsessed. Just Put a bit tight! `` are they the lemmings / or are we an! 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